The unthinkable has happened this year. My biggest nightmare. Okay, so I exaggerate. However, a huge, fear-laden soft spot has been touched. A major ADHD insecurity.
My Darling Daughter bursts with the holiday spirit. It’s a lovely trait. However, this year she has convinced me to host Thanksgiving dinner at our house. It makes sense. Her apartment is too small, and I have all the china and crystal.
She’s invited nine people so far. I suspect she will invite more. My Girl has a big heart and a zillion friends. Three of the guests are young men under the age of 26 with appetites larger than I can imagine.
Here’s the thing: I find hosting dinner parties fraught with peril and just the thought of this causes my ADHD insecurities to bubble to the surface. No doubt, something will go wrong. All my flaws will be exposed.
Yup, just got a cold chill down my spine.
I was incredibly stressed about this event (that at the time was still a month away), but then, as I was talking it through with Meg, my amazing assistant and occasional therapist, it hit me. What am I worried about?
What if I let go of those fears and insecurities imprinted on me by ADHD? What if I shifted my attitude?
What if I realized that no one who is coming cares how clean the windows are or plans to write up a review of my entertaining skills on social media?
What if I focused on making it a fun party that we all enjoy? Including me. Especially me. Because if I enjoy it, everyone will.
We can cook together. We can enjoy the food and wine. We can play music and games. We can laugh and enjoy each other’s company.
Yep, there is planning involved. And, the reality is since I’ve outsmarted my ADHD (most of the time), I’m a decent planner. Plus, by adjusting my attitude to having a fun family dinner instead of the perfect dinner put on by me, I realize I’m not going it alone.
Sometimes our ADHD insecurities nudge us toward the idea that we need to be perfect. The perfect hostess or host. The perfect house. The perfect meal.
Think about the parties you’ve attended. The ones where the hostess was stressed out, racing around trying to make everything perfect. And others, where it was nice enough and the hostess was part of the fun and enjoyed the moments as they unfolded.
Which party did you enjoy the most? And which one would you want to go to again and again?
This year I’m thankful to be letting go of more of my ADHD insecurities. (And that I have a great window washer.) What are you thankful for?