Sara, a private ADHD coaching client, recently groaned, “I keep comparing myself to people without ADHD. Why do I struggle with things everyone else handles so easily?”
Sara is smart and creative. Along with a great career, she has a husband, two kids, and a dog. She also was recently diagnosed with Inattentive Type ADHD.
“My friends can stay organized. They have dinner parties without breaking a sweat,” Sara continued. “I can barely get dinner on the table every night. We haven’t entertained for ages.”
“Plus, there’s the extra time I spend at the office finishing work my colleagues do in a snap. You wouldn’t believe the effort it takes just to turn my expense reports in on time.”
Sara’s frustrations are common among people with ADHD. We compare ourselves with other people and simply don’t match up.
I know how frustrating it is to see other people easily handling simple things that trip us up.
Recently, I watched in envy as a non-ADHD girlfriend quickly and calmly packed for a weekend getaway. Packing for a similar jaunt would have taken me three times as long. Plus, involved extreme focus, multiple lists, and some overwhelm.
Here’s the deal…
You MUST Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Without ADHD!
Especially about the things you struggle with. It’s not an apples to apples comparison. You’ll never match up. The truth about ADHD is that basic tasks of life are harder for you. Overwhelming. Take longer.
So, what do you do? Give up?
NO! Of course not! Give up and you’ll live at the mercy of your ADHD forever.
Let’s get back to Sara’s situation. You can learn from how I’ll help her stop comparing herself to people without ADHD.
Sara’s Stop Comparing Coaching Plan
Here’s how I’ll coach Sara to stop comparing herself to others. Of course she’ll be learning organizing and time management skills, too. But those skills will click into place more firmly when we control the useless comparisons.
- Become aware when she’s comparing herself to other people. Notice how comparisons discourage and disappoint her. Until she notices she can’t stop.
- Accept that the nature of ADHD makes some things harder to do. Success stems from creating solutions instead of wallowing in problems.
- Get specific about which tasks cause her the most trouble. When she knows her true challenges she can face them.
- Devise creative ways for her to more easily do the things that challenge her.
This plan will help Sara reduce the shame that goes hand-in-hand with ADHD. Life will get easier. Comparisons will be fewer; confidence will be greater.
Sara’s ADHD will always be part of her picture, of course. But, as she learns to stop comparing herself to non-ADHD folks, it will lose much of its power.
Now it’s your turn. What happens when you compare yourself to others who don’t have ADHD? What can you do to stop?
P.S. – If you don’t have a community of other people with ADHD, you need one. No comparing. People who understand what it’s like to be you. One of the amazing things about my ADHD Success Club is the supportive ADHD community. If you’re tired of struggling with ADHD and want affordable, top-notch ADHD life skills coaching in a supportive environment. I encourage you to check out the ADHD Success Club today. Click here to learn more.